Jokes and Fun

Assalamualaikum w.b.t (Peace be upon you)

Masa tengah sibuk mengemas rumah semalam (maklumlah, dah nak raya), terjumpa pulak satu buku yang menarik perhatian aku. Buku ni kalau tak silap wujud sejak aku darjah 5 lagi. This book only have the book's author and the year it was published. Below I listed down some of the joke. If you think it's interesting or funny, please feel free to copy it. In case for the copyright problems that might occur, just credit those jokes to it's original author, B.K Teng.

Safety First

A childless couple went to a temple and requested from god Kuan Kong for a boy to be delivered to them. Their demand was granted. A healthy strong boy 'arrived' and they thanked god Kuan Kong very much. Every first and fifteenth of the Chinese month, they offered the god fruit, meat, chicken and flowers to Him. The boy became a handsome youth at the age of 18. On his birthday, the parents bought him an expensive and beautiful Yamaha motorcycle. Somehow after one week, the boy met with an accident and died. Immediately the father and the mother of the poor boy rushed to the temple and asked god Kuan Kong for an explanation. god Kuan Kong answered,"Your son sped at 125 km/h, I could only go at 30 km/h".

Stamp

One day, a lady bought a stamp at the post office and said to the clerk, "Must I stick it on myself?". An officer replied, "Positively not. It will accomplish more if you stick it on the letter".

mother's milk

When asked, why mother's milk is better than cow's milk, a medical student said: "It is safer; the cat can't get it; it's cleaner, faster, easier to handle when traveling, and....comes in a more attractive containers".

King

• The most powerful king on earth: working
• The laziest king: shirking
• The worst king: smoking
• The wittiest: joking
• The sliest: winking
• The noisiest: talking

What disasters happen 24 hours a day?
       : Day breaks and night falls
Which is cleverer; the white hen or the black hen?
       : The black hen. Black hen can lay white eggs, but the white hen cannot lay black eggs.
Which has more legs; one horse or no horse?
       : No horse has five legs but one horse has only four legs.

Don't tell me your problems!

A man went into a restaurant to order lunch and a pretty waitress came over and told him, "I have braissed liver, monkey brains, chicken hearts, deer meat and frog's legs". The man than said, "Don't tell me your problems, just bring me a sandwich and a bottle of beer, will ya?".

Fun with words

1. Many hands make light work
2. Haste makes waste
3. Two is company, three is a crowd
4. Silence is golden
5. Two heads are better than one
6. White is a symbol of happiness. Could that be the reason a groom always wears black?
7. Adolescence: When a boy/ girl is a youngster in an awkward age; too old for an allowance, and too young for a credit card
8.  A beautiful woman is a blessing to the soul, a heaven to the eye.... and a curse to the purse.

Typical things for student Jepun yang balik beraya

Assalamulaikum w.b.t (Peace be upon you)

It's summer again (in Japan) and it's Ramadhan. It's a big hurdle actually to have to fast in summer. The dehydration and all those typical sickness are becoming famous during this holy month in Islam. Last year, I didn't had chance to celebrate Ramadhan with my family in Malaysia. Instead, I went for a trip around Hokkaido for five days. Alhamdulillah I have the chance this year to celebrate Ramadhan together with Eid in Malaysia.

But, that's not what I'm going to talk about.

In Japan, summer is the most awaited season every year. During this season, most of Malaysian students will be busy to prepare for the 'balik kampung' event. Luckily, the Ramadhan and the Eid fall on summer break lately. Memang sakan beraya tahun ni. Cuti pun panjang. But, before the big day, we usually had to sit for the final semester exam first. For me, just thinking about 'balik kampung' is good enough to make me strive for the exam. Alhamdulillah it went good with just a few subjects to be retest.   

Facebook status
Facebook has become an effective medium to announce to your friends of what you're going to do. Just post a wall post which can raise your friends curiosity such as: "Counting days, a month left" or "10 hari lagi, tapi lamanya macam 10 minggu" and later on people will start commenting on your post. Ada yang begitu bermurah hati menulis; "aku dah nak balik lagi 2 minggu ni. sesape yang nak order pape gtaw aku ASAP".   

Most of the complains are usually about the internet speed issues. "Hujan 100Mbps di negeri orang, hujan 384kbps di negeri sendiri" or "Arrrggghhh tensennya ngan Celcom BerukBand ni" are just a few examples of facebook's status of the oversea students, from Japan especially. The word 'BerukBand' is one of the main reason I wrote this entry. Yes, the internet speed in Japan is way faster than in Malaysia. Those yang suka download movies or watching movies online are gonna sure to have slight dissatisfaction when they come back to Malaysia. ye la, nak tengok youtube pun kena tunggu beberapa minit for that 'buffering....' stuff.

Ohh......aku juga ada menulis status di facebook seperti ini. "dah dpt P1 WIMAX ni, lebih jauh melangkah. kerana apa kami tahu? kami juga pgguna celcom broadband.....seperti anda.". Secara tak langsung aku mempromote P1 WIMAX ni. Tapi setakat ni, P1 WIMAX masih belum menghampakan aku lagi. Maybe because I'm staying in KL....

Look for the words 'We buy'

Malaysian oversea students are quite rich. I don't know how much students received monthly in other countries, but in Japan, we received 131180 JPY monthly. That's RM 4866 a month. Even most of the government's servants don't earn that much. Before returning home, dalam kepala dah berkira-kira, berapa banyak cash nak bawak balik. Then, mulalah sibuk nak mencari kat mana kedai yang conversion rate-nya tinggi. For Japan students, most of us know a "pengurup wang berlesen" located in the Mid Valley Shopping Complex. To be more specific, it's just next to the 1901 hotdog booth. Some say there's another good place in Masjid India area, entahlah. Never been there. Some even checked the current currency rates and wait until the value shows higher rates every day. Duit dah berkepuk dalam poket......berlagak la. One thing I learned until now, it's always advisable to convert your money at the country you're going to. Why? I convert about 11,000 Japanese Yen for Korean Won and get 100,000 Won in return. It happened in Chitose airport, Hokkaido. When I arrived at Incheon International Airport, I found out I could get 130,000 won from 10,000 Japanese Yen. Damn!    

Tershashul
Living in foreign countries for years long would make everyone able to communicate with locals, basic greetings at least. Ask any Malaysian, what Japanese words they know. A typical answer would be: Ohaiyogozaimas (Good morning), konnichiwa (good afternoon), arigato gozaimas (thank you), Ganbatte! (Good luck), aishiteru (I love you), just to name a few. For most of us Malaysian in Japan, to blend in with locals and make friends, you gotta to have to know basic Japanese skills of conversation. Among the famous words we always use is (of course) arigato gozaimas. Another famous expression is "Ahh...sumimasen" or in a fast and informal way, "ahh..suimasen", means "Oooppss, I'm sorry". When we're listening to someone, we don't stay silent throughout the whole conversation, but we make a simple body gestures to show them we're listening. A simple nod and a simple reply of "hrmm.....sou des ne" (hrmmm....it's true) or "naruhodo" (I see...) would do. The interesting part is, the habit was brought along back to Malaysia. Some of us when bumped onto others or make a mistake would abruptly say "suimasen" with a simple bow. Takpelah, tersasul sekali sekala. Speaking of tersasul, ada juga yang berniat untuk show off, yang depa ni tahu bahasa jepun, I don't deny it. How? They would wear t-shirts with japanese words on them. Another way is simply converse in Japanese in public or menyanyi lagu2 Jepun sambil mendengar mp3. Ada juga stail dimana mereka yang tahu Japanese ini membaca papan2 tanda arah atau information di tempat2 tumpuan pelancong dengan lama, dan kadang2 dengan suara yang kuat.

Tersasul ni juga bukan setakat tersasul kata2. From the past two years I found something interesting, maybe there are doctors or researchers out there who could answer this. Setuju atau tidak, some of Malaysian students who learn Japanese had little difficulty to determine left and right, especially when guiding people.. Well, it happens to me. My job every time menumpang kereta orang lain is navigating the car. I know I want the driver to turn left and even signal it with my hand, yet I said "kanan". This syndrome(?) not just happen to me, but my friends too. I don"t know why. In Japanese, word for left is hidari(左) and right is migi (右). Ada kaitan ke? Strange...nyanyuk? Na'uzubillah!!  

Melantak a.k.a Mengketedarah
One of the best thing about Malaysia which you can't get oversea is the food. I admit, I craved for many things before I went back to Malaysia 2 weeks ago. There's like a long list of what kind of food I'm looking forward too. Keropok lekor, Nasi lemak, fresh roti canai (in Japan, only frozen type available), kuih2 raya, mangosteen, buah mata kucing, siput sedut masak lemak, just to name a few. Maklumlah, only few foods we can eat (Halal foods) kat Jepun tu. Japan consumes a lot of swine. Tak cukup dengan itu, the bones and the 'short-buffalo's' fat were taken to be processed. That's why when some of my friends ask, "Ehh, camne ek rasa ramen. Sedap tak?", I just simply reply "tak penah makan". hrmmm, pengaruh Naruto. Maybe most of us didn't know, they use the short-buffalo's bones or heads for the soup's broth. Baru sup. Belum masuk topping dan inti ramen yang pelbagai tu.

Duduk oversea susah nak dapat peluang makan makanan Malaysia, except for those who live near the Malaysian Embassy. When there's a function or any politicians visiting the country, memang mewah dan bertuah sungguh siapa yang pergi ke embassy. Why? Lauk always berlebihan, sampai boleh ditapau. Ingat rajin ke student nak buat sate, masak rendang daging, buat karipap and all those kuih muih? Bila lagi nak mintak kerajaan dan pak menteri belanja.   

Duduk oversea ni, memang diakui kadang2 kita mengidam nak makan masakan Malaysia. As the alternative, masak sendiri. Kalau jadi, siap panggil member2 makan sekali serumah. Kalau tak berapa  nak jadi, habiskanla lauk tu sorang2. Tu yang bila dapat peluang balik ke Malaysia, peluang tak disia-siakan. Guess what, my first place I went directly after I arrived in Kuala Lumpur is Bazaar Ramadhan. Everything looks delicious. Hah.... Tu dia penangan berpuasa di Malaysia. Malam terawih pertama di Malaysia sedikit meletihkan. But all those letih dan mengantuk suddenly disappeared when it's Moreh time. What's the moreh time? It's the time after the tarawikh prayer where the Jamaah (congregation) sit and have a light meal while chit chatting with others. At this time, you suddenly feel the people increased. Kalau yang solat tarawikh ada 30 orang, yang makan moreh 40 orang. How's that possible, you tell me. Moreh time, especially in the early month of Ramadhan would see a lot of food and delicacies. From Tepung Pelita, karipap (curry puff), kuih lopes, badak berendam, buah melaka....fuiiii....it's finger licking good lah. All those kuih are just perfect with the Teh Tarik or Teh O' halia. Now this is Malaysia. Every time makan (eat), makan and makan. 

Tidak keterlaluan rasanya sekiranya kerajaan membuat slogan, "Malaysia, the food's heaven". There are cases dimana selepas balik ke Jepun, ramai yang bertambah mata dacingnya (istilah mak aku). Raya to be blame, not your lust and desire to eat. Hah.

On-the-road attitude
After years in Japan, I can hardly remember the roads and the shortcuts around KL. To tell the truth, I really missed all the jalan in Malaysia. Why? In Japan, we don"t have "bonggol" on the road. They don't even need it, really. They don't have mat rempit problems, so they don't need one.  Also in Japan, it's very very rare to hear the car behind you honk at you. Here in Malaysia, we love honking each other. Examples; bila nak membelok di simpang, sunat muakkad hukumnya menekan hon supaya tidak bertembung dengan kereta dari arah simpang yang hendak dimasuki. Second, selepas melawat rumah kengkawan, sedara mara, Malaysian akan hon sambil melambaikan tangan tanda, "Dah nak balik dah ni. Tima kasih la bagi tumpang tidur semalam.". What makes driving dangerous in KL is, lately many road users dah tak pakai signal dah bila nak memotong line. Kalau bagi pun, 3,4 saat lepas tu terus mencilok. To make it worst, buat pulak tu time traffic jam. Kalau orang dulu2 yang belajar membawa kereta, bukan setakat lampu signal, tangan kena keluarkan dari tingkap tanda nak mintak izin memotong. Dah dapat masuk, tangan diangkat as a sign of 'thank you for giving way for me'. Seperkara lagi, I found Malaysian hate to line-up. Jangan tengokla kaunter2 kat hospital ke KFC ke...yang tu sanggup beratur. Look at the plaza toll. Lorong hanya satu, tapi line ada 2. Bila dah dekat sangat dengan pintu lorong baru bagi signal. Well, it took a lot of skills and tricks to drive in Malaysia, KL especially.

Cuba cakap sikit
Usia muda remaja, ramai yang akan tertarik untuk bertanya, especially sedara mara or pakcik dan makcik jiran tetangga kat kampung tu. Let's recreate the scene. "Dah kerja ke?". "Belom lagi pakcik, tengah belajar lagi.". "Oooohhh, universiti mana?". Before this, my answer was "Blaja kat Jepun pakcik.", and the expected default reply is "Uuuiii, hebat tu. Jepun eh?" and the most annoying things to keep up the conversation is, "Ohh, pandai cakap jepun la ni. CUBA CAKAP SIKIT.". Now, why I called it so annoying. Because, there are millions of phrases in  not only Japanese, but other language. Which one do you want us to say? Kalau yang loyar buruk atau bajet lawak, the best answer for the question "Cuba cakap sikit" would be "SIKIT". I think I want to change the way I answer in the future. Macam ni. When asked "Universiti mana?", I'll try to answer. "ada satu universiti kat utara Malaysia pakcik". "Ooohhh, UNIMAP ke? ke UUM?" and my answer will be "Atas sikit dari dua tu pakcik", with hope that the pakcik won't ask further more. This kind of questions only happens to students from Japan or Egypt....perhaps. It's understandable that people won't ask such questions to students from Ireland, Canada, Australia, USA or United Kingdom. I don' t know, maybe my friends who are studying in Russia, India or France could tell me, whether they have such experiences. ohhh, one more thing, perasan tak disamping orang teruja kita ni boleh 'speaking' atau tidak, another default compliment atau pemanis kata would be "patutlah muka pon dah macam orang Jepun ni haaa...". Iye lah makcik. ape-ape jelah.

p/s: cuba cakap jepun sikit....JEPUN SIKIT..dah.